George started a new job today (Yay!!! He has been riding the unemployment train for quite some time, unfortunately.), so instead of getting up with me, he got up a half hour earlier. Normally I would be none too pleased about this turn of events since it means I don't get my ten minutes of snuggle time, but when I went to bed last night it dawned on me that becuase he wasn't going to be in the bed when I got up, I could temp on the sly ... just to see. Granted, unless something crazy happened to this cycle as opposed to the eight others, I knew I would not have ovulated, so this temperature would only show my that my temperature is low. Right? Right.
Of course this is not taking into account the thoughts that have been swirling in my mind for the past couple days. The sum of which is, "Maybe I'm pregnant." To which you might respond, "Didn't you get your period almost two weeks ago?" and you would be right. BUT, it wasn't a particularly heavy period ... couldn't it just have been really heavy spotting? Also, I have been breaking out which is very odd for me at this point in my cycle. Isn't that a viable sign of pregnancy? And I have been so very tired. Yes, I am depressed which could be a contributing factor here, but there could also be another cause, right? A cause that would dispel my depression? No, I am not nauseated. No, my breasts are not tender. No, I am not peeing all the time. No, my veins aren't any more noticeable. I could go on and on with all the symptoms I don't have, but somehow that glimmer of hope remains. Yes, I know, I'm completely irrational.
So this morning when my alarm went off, I reached for my thermometer and laid there until it beeped its response. It seemed to take forever. Finally it signaled that it had registered my temperature. I went over to the light and read, "97.52". Pretty darn low. Any glimmer of hope I had quickly evaporated. I wasn't sad or upset because deep down I knew what the result of this transgression would be, but still I felt the need to torture myself.
On the train into work I entered it into my chart. There it was, so low. Kind of like me. Rather fitting.
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